Selfish or Unaware?

It’s been a full year since I started working as an in-house designer with my employer. A full year means I am now able to receive a week of full paid vacation. I love traveling, though I don’t really travel internationally, but road trips are my favorite. I’ve been meaning to go somewhere tropical or revisiting my family in Korea, but travel means money. I’ve saved up money and my family was discussing potentially going to Korea/Japan for a couple of weeks.

Yesterday in Korea, it was Chinese New Year and my dad called his sister to say hello. They hinted that they want to see him and said that he may want to visit in May. Now, I never get my hopes up for anything anymore because they eventually never come about. So, I jokingly said, “I want to go to!” Then my dad, the party pooper that he is said, “No, you work!” Are…you…serious?

Then today, my mom brought it up again during dinner that if we wanted to go to Korea we have to buy tickets as soon as possible. As she was explaining ticket prices, she brought up my name and how we would have to spend our savings to buy tickets. Then my dad goes, “Her?” (pointing to me) “Why is she going? She works.” Really, now…?

I left the dinner table without saying anything because I don’t get involved with rough conversations when my dad and mom go at it without reasonable thinking. My dad can be a tough cookie when it involves traveling as whole family. Not to my recollection do I remember going anywhere internationally with him…ever. He goes to Korea alone, all the time and never has once asked my mom, me or my brother to go with him.

It wasn’t until my mom brought it up, she told my dad, “Don’t you think you went a little overboard when you asked why your daughter wants to go to Korea?…She might feel disappointed.” I wasn’t, until my mom mentioned it.

Am I Going The Right Path?

October vent month.

I’ve been working as a graphic designer for the past year and a half,  professionally. I’ve come 24 years to get to this position, yet it feels empty. Through those years in education, I’ve contemplated on whether this was the right path for me to go into. I always had doubts. I always leaned on my mom for advice and she helped me understand that this is just one career out of many I can choose from that I can pursue. I am now nine months into my second graphic designer job and I don’t feel happy. Working as a in-house designer at a small, family-owned business feels lonely as there’s only one other co-worker in my office. I’m thankful to have a job, but everyday I always, always think to myself, “I hate my job. I want to go into something else.”

What would that be? I don’t know. I’ll admit, I don’t have a friends where I live so that may be a huge factor into why I’m not happy. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, maybe lonely and unmotivated. Writing this blog sort of helps me out in a way. It’s my medicine. Whoever is reading this, don’t worry – I would never hurt myself. If I had any thought of hurting myself I’d go straight to my mom and tell her about my worries and demand to see a therapist. Also, to remind me that God is in control of my life. He can help. He believes that I can overcome this fork in the road in my life.

I know that I won’t work at my job for long term. I just can’t. My boss is too much to handled in terms of organization, communication, and difference in design ideas. She might very well made me realized how much I hate working there.

I don’t know. We’ll see how the new year plays out. I miss living in L.A.

It’s an End of an Era!

For Big Brother US fans, that is.

I’m an avid Big Brother fan and season 16 is drawing to a close. It’s the last night at the BB House and tomorrow we will know who will be the grand winner. I’ve been following a group of 16 strangers this past summer and shamefully have been watching the live feeds too. I can’t really call myself a super fan, but I am intrigued at this “social experiment” since I was 16 (Season 6).

Derrick, Cody, and Van-Van…er, Victoria is left and looks like the final two will be Derrick and Cody. I’m rooting for Derrick because he has played a great game comparable to Dan Gheesling.

I can’t wait to the see the Jury discussion tomorrow and hope Donny wins America’s Favorite Player. Dude deserves it.

Never Forget

Never Forget.

Of the thousands of stories, here’s mine. It’s not much, but thought I would share it.
Thirteen years ago, I was eleven years old. My mom dropped me off on a sunny Tuesday like everyday in California. I walked into my 6th grade classroom and got ready for the day by placing my backpack next to my desk and pulling out a notebook. I remember the whispering, I remember the innocent eyes dancing around waiting for the morning bell to ring. It was like any other day. Minutes before our class was to begin, one classmate with metal-rimmed glasses and ginger hair yelled across the room, “a plane was hijacked!” Everyone didn’t believe him. I wondered what he meant and I didn’t believe it either. But, the boy kept talking. He continued, “someone stole a plane.” I brushed it off. My teacher, Mr. Commons, did too and unlike teachers I’ve read about, didn’t turn on the television. It was probably for the better because I’m sure it would have upset at least one kid in the room.
It was on my mind all day, but I didn’t think anything of it. I went through the day not knowing anything about what happened that day. I went to band, math, and science class all happy without much thought.
The moment I stepped inside my home after school I saw my brother strapped to the floor with his eyes gazed at the television. “I’m recording it” he blurted. I saw the images. The buildings, the plane, the lives that weren’t saved. My emotion was stuck and I kept asking my brother what happened, who did it, was it intentional, and hundreds more an eleven year old would ask.
At that age, I didn’t know anything about politics and the threats we were prone to from countries. As years went by, I was educated more about our international enemies, learned that our security was beefed up immediately after the attacks, and experienced a change in my life forever.
Lives were lost and some still have not been recovered. As horrifying it is to see images and videos, I hope the future generations will never forget the courage and bravery our service men and women as well as those lives affected endured. As a country we have gone through too many events that change our views on people. No event should ever be forgotten. Today is a remembrance of 9/11 and let us never forget that.

A Gratifying Feeling

I started a new hobby this year as I don’t really have one to rave about. It’s gardening! I’m such a grandma, so says my brother, but it’s what I’ve come to enjoy doing during my spare time.

I didn’t really research how to garden properly and so far I have been planting heirloom carrots, Menorca spinach, Korean cucumbers, Korean green peppers, and Korean perilla leaves.

There is a gratifying feeling when a fruit and vegetable starts to sprout to its full growth. I’m amazed how life starts with just one tiny, itsy bitsy seed.

Here’s a picture of my new cucumber starting to grow. I already have a full length cucumber (below), but this little guy didn’t get pollinated at the same time.

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Funny thing…I hate cucumbers but this will make some great Korean banchan (반찬, side dish) for my parents.

I Just Want to Travel

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Dear Future Self, 

I hope you’re happy and living the life at whatever age you come back to read this post. Because if not, you failing the dreams you once had at 23. 

Ahem – I’m having dreams of traveling once again. I want to go somewhere overseas, but financially, it’s not possible. I’m working and I’m thankful to say that because it’s been a tough year. At the same time, I just want to drop everything and live on as a nomad, forever. 

In case anyone who comes across this post, the picture shown above is on the way to Monument Valley in Utah. One of my favorite iPhone photos I’ve taken. I have more to share, but that’ll be in the future. 

 

Thai Massages – Where have you been all my life?

Until today, I’ve never had a massage before so I can only say good things about Massage Thai Way in Linda Vista, San Diego.

I made an appointment in the morning for 2:30pm and booked a 60 minute massage for myself and my cousin. As I was walking into their building and I was immediately greeted by one of the staff who asked for my name. The lady made an “aha!” expression and took me right in to one of their private rooms in the back of the building. My initial thoughts on the place was that it was very dark, calming, serene, and relaxing. It was very welcoming and I didn’t feel nervous since it was my first time getting a massage.

One of the employees instructed me to dress down to my underwear and I was confused whether to wear a white robe that was hanging on the wall. Whatever you do, don’t wear the robe like I did and just lay down on the floor or table. My cousin who has had a Thai massage before didn’t know whether we were supposed to wear it either. So, after mistakingly wearing the robe, I took it off and laid on the floor that had a thin mattress with white sheets.

The massage started off with a pre-heated towel on my back, which felt incredible. Then the masseuse went onto my back, legs, arms, and head. During those changes in body parts, she started doing light yoga movements with my legs. Some movements hurt, but I managed the pain. I do have to mentioned the masseuse asked whether it was my first time and she said she would do “medium” level.

Overall, it was a great experience. My masseuse never said anything about the level of pain or if I had any knots. The only time she said anything was when she had me do those yoga poses.

4.5/5